Better to be attractive or not?

Originally Posted by Rouge

I was ugly when I was a kid. My family struggled financially, so I was skinny as a beanpole and had thick glasses, bad hair and hand-me-downs that didn’t fit. I had no confidence, few friends and considered myself a social retard. Up till now, I’m still scarred by how the other kids teased me.

When I was 18 or 19, I blossomed. I started wearing contact lenses, light make-up, flattering clothes, heels. Suddenly, people started being nicer to me.

But life as an “attractive person” is not always a bed of roses:

– People may have a more positive impression of you in the beginning. But since they have higher expectations of you, they also become more critical of you if you fail any of these expectations. You’re twice as likely to be considered “stupid”, “superficial” or “arrogant” than someone they had a poorer initial impression of.

– I probably got hired in a couple of jobs thanks to looks, but I later paid the price for it when the (male) bosses tried to hit on me. Some male clients also tried to get cheeky with me. I couldn’t afford to offend these people and had to manage my relationships with them. All these created additional stress at work.

– I have the opposite problem with female bosses. They didn’t want to hire me. That’s the rule for working for a good looking woman- you can’t be more good looking than her. The office is her kingdom, she will not want any competition for male attention.

– Some female colleagues took convenient swipes at me for being a bimbo when they caught me making mistakes. Since this stereotype fitted, they got away with it a couple of times, especially with people in other departments who had not worked with me.

– Some women hate me. They hate me without allowing themselves to get to know me. Enough said.

– I’ve also had to manage my relationship with female friends very carefully. Gal pals are great for a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. But a few of them turned into absolute monsters when I dated a highly eligible guy. One tried to sow doubts into me by convincing me that the guy couldn’t be serious about me. Two tried to accidentally run into me to get an introduction to him when we were out on a date. I can’t tell you how how disappointed and hurt I felt. Despite the good times and bad times we’ve been through, they’d sell me out for a guy at the end of the day. These days, if I were to date anyone “hot”, I’d downplay how attractive/well off he is. I don’t have the stomach to subject all my friendships to such tests.

– My platonic friendships are often problematic. Maybe the guys didn’t befriend me because they were attracted to me. But some of them couldn’t maintain a friendship with me when they started liking me and I didn’t feel the same way back. The successful platonic friendships I’ve had are mostly with much older men who are happily married and totally crazy over their wives.

– I’ve received pressure from some of my boyfriends on maintaining my looks. One even messaged me to find out whether I’ve been going to the gym when he was away on a business trip. I’m sure they liked me for qualities other than my looks. But they were sold on an image of me and couldn’t accept it if this were to change.

After being on both sides of the fence, I can’t say whether it’s better to be attractive or not. Each side has its disadvantages. Maybe being average is best. You might not believe it, but you’re more likely to have more friends and better relationships this way than if you were to be more good looking.

The Master

“The master in the art of living draws no sharp distinction between his labor and his leisure,
his mind and his body, his work and his play, his education and his recreation.
He hardly knows which.
He simply pursues his vision of excellence through whatever he is doing and leaves others to determine whether his is working or playing.
To himself, he is always doing both.”

~ James A. Michener

Ralph Waldo Emerson – Compensation

From Essays: First Series (1841)

The wings of Time are black and white,
Pied with morning and with night.
Mountain tall and ocean deep
Trembling balance duly keep.
In changing moon, in tidal wave,
Glows the feud of Want and Have.
Gauge of more and less through space
Electric star and pencil plays.
The lonely Earth amid the balls
That hurry through the eternal halls,
A makeweight flying to the void,
Supplemental asteroid,
Or compensatory spark,
Shoots across the neutral Dark.

Man’s the elm, and Wealth the vine;
Stanch and strong the tendrils twine:
Though the frail ringlets thee deceive,
None from its stock that vine can reave.
Fear not, then, thou child infirm,
There’s no god dare wrong a worm.
Laurel crowns cleave to deserts,
And power to him who power exerts;
Hast not thy share? On winged feet,
Lo! it rushes thee to meet;
And all that Nature made thy own,
Floating in air or pent in stone,
Will rive the hills and swim the sea,
And, like thy shadow, follow thee.

Best Business Bank Account for Startups and Entrepreneurs

1. Maybank FlexiBiz Account

Minimum Initial Deposit $1,000
Annual Account Service Fee $0
Monthly Fall Below Fee $0
Annual Cost = $0 + ($0 x 12) = $0
FAST Funds Transfer Fee = 20 cents per transfer
http://info.maybank2u.com.sg/business/deposits-banking/current/flexibiz.aspx

What is the catch? You need to pay 50 cents for each issued cheque.

2. UOB E-Business Account

Minimum Initial Deposit = $1,000
Annual Account Service Fee = $0
Monthly Fall Below Fee = $15 (if below $5,000)
Annual Cost = $0 + (15 x 12) = $180
FAST Funds Transfer Fee = $5 per transfer
http://www.uob.com.sg/corporate/corporate/deposits/eBusiness_account.html
http://www.uob.com.sg/online_rates/corporate/general_service_fees_part1.html?s_pid=HOME201205_eg_quicklnk_ql4

What is the catch? You need to pay $20 if depositing or withdrawing money over the counter. FAST fee of $5.

3. DBS Entrepreneurs Account

Minimum Initial Deposit = $500
Annual Account Service Fee = $40
Monthly Fall Below Fee = $35 (if below $10,000)
Annual Cost = $40 + ($35 x 12) = $460
FAST Funds Transfer Fee = $5 per transfer
http://www.dbs.com.sg/sme/day-to-day/accounts/entrepreneurs-account-for-start-ups.page
https://www.dbs.com.sg/iwov-resources/forms/cash/payments/Pricing%20Guide%20(all%20product%20details%20pages).pdf

Waiver of Monthly Fall Below Fee for the first 6 months.

What is the catch? Expensive monthly fall below fee kicking in after 6 months. FAST fee of $5.

4. OCBC Business First Account

Minimum Initial Deposit = $3,000
Monthly Account Service Fee = $38
Monthly Fall Below Fee = $35 (if below $5,000)
Annual Cost = ($38 x 12) + ($35 x 12) = $876
FAST Funds Transfer Fee = $5 per transfer
http://www.ocbc.com/assets/pdf/BizBkgPricingGuide.pdf

Waiver of Monthly Account Service Fee and Monthly Fall Below Fee for the first 3 months.

What is the catch? Expensive monthly account service fee and fall below fee. FAST fee of $5.

An Evening with Jack Ma

Jack Ma or Ma Yun (Chinese: 马云; born September 10, 1964) is a Chinese entrepreneur and philanthropist. He is the founder and Executive Chairman of Alibaba Group, a family of highly successful Internet-based businesses.

He is the richest man in China and 18th richest man in the world with an estimated net worth of $29.7 billion, according to Bloomberg Billionaires Index.

Tiësto presents Allure feat Julie Thompson – Somewhere Inside

Who am I, love? What am I supposed to be?
One life alone. Oh, somehow it’s made for me

What do I do? What can I say?
It’s nothing new. The choice was made

But what if I lose my way?
And run right into you
Deep inside we’ll never be anything other than lonely
Tell me what does it take?
To breathe it into you
Weak inside we’ll never be anything other than lonely

One blinking star. Still feels how it used to feel
It’s all so wrong. No easy way to believe

I wanna run. I wanna hide
What I’ve become? Now you’re no longer mine
I wanna feel. Something that’s real
Somewhere inside

Quote of the Week

Who can say what’s best?

That’s why you need to grab whatever chance you have of happiness where you find it, and not worry about other people too much.

My experience tells me that we get no more than two or three such chances in a life time, and if we let them go, we regret it for the rest of our lives.

~ Haruki Murakami

Quote of the Week

“On some positions, Cowardice asks the question, “Is it safe?” Expediency asks the question, “Is it politic?” And Vanity comes along and asks the question, “Is it popular?” But Conscience asks the question “Is it right?” And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must do it because Conscience tells him it is right.”

~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

Taylor Swift – Blank Space

“Blank Space” is a song recorded by American singer-songwriter Taylor Swift for her fifth studio album, 1989 (2014). It was written by Swift, Max Martin and Shellback. The song was released to contemporary hit radio by Republic Records on November 10, 2014 as the album’s second single, after “Shake It Off” and is the second track on the album. Musically, “Blank Space” is an electropop and minimal song with lyrics that satirize the media’s perception of Swift and her relationships.

“Blank Space” was a critical and commercial success, reaching No. 1 on the US Billboard Hot 100, Australia, Canada and Europe.

The Alchemist (1993)

“My heart is a traitor,” the boy said to the alchemist, when they had paused to rest the horses. “It doesn’t want me to go on.”

“That makes sense,” the alchemist answered. “Naturally it’s afraid that, in pursuing your dream, you might lose everything you’ve won.”

“Well, then, why should I listen to my heart?”

“Because you will never again be able to keep it quiet. Even if you pretend not to have heard what it tells you, it will always be there inside you, repeating to you what you’re thinking about life and about the world.”

“You mean I should listen, even if it’s treasonous?”

“Treason is a blow that comes unexpectedly. If you know your heart well, it will never be able to do that to you. Because you’ll know its dreams and wishes, and will know how to deal with them.

“You will never be able to escape from your heart. So it’s better to listen to what it has to say. That way, you’ll never have to fear an unanticipated blow.”

The boy continued to listen to his heart as they crossed the desert. He came to understand its dodges and tricks, and to accept it as it was. He lost his fear, and forgot about his need to go back to the oasis, because, one afternoon, his heart told him that it was happy. “Even though I complain sometimes,” it said, “it’s because I’m the heart of a person, and people’s hearts are that way. People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don’t deserve them, or that they’ll be unable to achieve them. We, their hearts, become fearful just thinking of loved ones who go away forever, or of moments that could have been good but weren’t, or of treasures that might have been found but were forever hidden in the sands. Because, when these things happen, we suffer terribly.

“My heart is afraid that it will have to suffer,” the boy told the alchemist one night as they looked up at the moonless sky.

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.”

“Every second of the search is an encounter with God,” the boy told his heart. “When I have been truly searching for my treasure, every day has been luminous, because I’ve known that every hour was a part of the dream that I would find it. When I have been truly searching for my treasure, I’ve discovered things along the way that I never would have seen had I not had the courage to try things that seemed impossible for a shepherd to achieve.”

So his heart was quiet for an entire afternoon. That night, the boy slept deeply, and, when he awoke, his heart began to tell him things that came from the Soul of the World. It said that all people who are happy have God within them. And that happiness could be found in a grain of sand from the desert, as the alchemist had said. Because a grain of sand is a moment of creation, and the universe has taken millions of years to create it. “Everyone on earth has a treasure that awaits him,” his heart said. “We, people’s hearts, seldom say much about those treasures, because people no longer want to go in search of them. We speak of them only to children. Later, we simply let life proceed, in its own direction, toward its own fate. But, unfortunately, very few follow the path laid out for them—the path to their destinies, and to happiness. Most people see the world as a threatening place, and, because they do, the world turns out indeed, to be threatening place.

“So, we, their hearts, speak more and more softly. We never stop speaking out, but we begin to hope that our words won’t be heard: we don’t want people to suffer because they don’t follow their hearts.”

“Why don’t people’s hearts tell them to continue to follow their dreams?” the boy asked the alchemist.

“Because that’s what makes a heart suffer most, and hearts don’t like to suffer.”

From then on, the boy understood his heart. He asked it, please, never to stop speaking to him. He asked that, when he wandered far from his dreams, his heart press him and sound the alarm. The boy swore that, every time he heard the alarm, he would heed its message.

That night, he told all of this to the alchemist. And the alchemist understood that the boy’s heart had returned to the Soul of the World.

“So, what should I do now?” the boy asked. Continue in the direction of the Pyramids,” said the alchemist. “And continue to pay heed to the omens. Your heart is still capable of showing you where the treasure is.”

“Is that the one thing I still needed to know?”

“No,” the alchemist answered. “What you still need to know is this: before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we’ve learned as we’ve moved toward that dream. That’s the point at which most people give up. It’s the point at which, as we say in the language of the desert, one `dies of thirst just when the palm trees have appeared on the horizon.’

“Every search begins with beginner’s luck. And every search ends with the victor’s being severely tested.”

The boy remembered an old proverb from his country. It said that the darkest hour of the night came just before the dawn.

Echosmith – Cool Kids

She sees them walking in a straight line, that’s not really her style
They all got the same heartbeat, but hers is falling behind
Nothing in this world could ever bring them down
Yeah, they’re invincible and she’s just in the background

And she says

I wish that I could be like the cool kids cuz all the cool kids, they seem to fit in
I wish that I could be like the cool kids, like the cool kids

He sees them talking with a big smile, but they haven’t got a clue
Yeah, they’re living the good life, can’t see what he is going through
They’re driving fast cars, but they don’t know where they’re going
In the fast lane, living life without knowing